But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

worries cripple my desire to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. i think i could be diligent in my daily responsibilities. but even if despite diligence, i experience instability /uncertainty in areas like finances, job, relationships, future, etc... i hope eventually my peace of mind and heart won't be dictated by these things. why do i think my daily concerns fall outside God's control? the past few bible studies and sermons have been good in helping me rethink and recognize God's authority over all things, from natural storms to supernatural demons. and even if my prayers aren't answered the way i'd expect, i'm seeing that it's God maintaining his good plan. sort of in the same way ben pointed out yesterday that Jesus can assent to the pleadings of demons and faithless people, and then say no to the healed man who begged to travel with Jesus - i can imagine it was with the utmost earnestness that he begged, out of immense love and faith for the dude who had just ended his emotional/physical/spiritual enslavement to thousands of demons. thankfully, with the 'no,' Jesus adds words of direction. sometimes i feel like my prayers are like, "oh God oh God.. my loans!!!! are you going to help me?? should i be working here right now?? do i really have to give this and that up???? circle: yes/no. and p.s. these are legitimate concerns!" but he responds, "Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." i've been seeing in my own life how mature faithful people follow this command despite money, timing and other logistics not falling into place - and God provides..

Interesting little Short Story

A Parable of American Politics

Not so much just a statement on politics, but rather one about human rational?

unexpected loss

It took me awhile to figure out how to publish a post on this blog. I normally don't blog, let alone journal, but I wanted to share with you all what I experienced this week.

Early Tuesday morning as I was getting ready for work I saw that I had a missed call around 12:54am, from Sam Chukwuma. Sam is a third year student at Georgia State University and attends my GSU family group. That afternoon, I received a text from Iyanu Adeleke, another family group member who said, "hey edith, i don't know if you know but roy kerlegan died last night in a motorcycle accident." While sitting at my desk, I gazed at my computer screen in shock. Putting the pieces together, I realized that Sam called me to confirm that Roy passed away 11:00pm Monday night.

In my third and last year of college, I led a family group at Georgia State University. It was our first year ever having family group. We had about eight or nine members attend weekly and Roy Kerlegan was one of them. Through Sam's persistence and persuasion, Roy decided to come out and join our weekly bible studies. From what Roy shared with me growing up in Evans, GA near Augusta, as a child he always attended church with his parents every Sunday. He grew despondent and critical of the church after witnessing the church leadership and pastors behaving hypocritically and not truly setting an example he would want to follow. Every week during bible study, Roy would ask questions, "who is Jesus?", "why do you believe that such a person would sacrifice himself for us?" these were questions that most of us don't normally think about especially if we've been Christian for a long time. Roy's questions and his curiosity enabled us to really think about who we serve and why we believe. To incorporate a group discussion with everyone on the same page, we focused our study on the gospel. While discussing the gospel and sharing our personal testimonies, I could see Roy's heart slowing opening up to the idea of having a relationship with God.

As easy as it was to have regrets, all I could do as a family group leader and older sister was to love and accept Roy for who he was and I trusted that this was all I could give him. I remember praying that something in how we talked, how we laughed with him and cared for him would show him that who we are as Christians is real and genuine, but a transformation that only God could provide. I soon found out two days ago that Roy received salvation a few months ago and was joyfully attending a church in Atlanta. Roy Kerlegan died at the age of 20 years old. He worked as a general manager at Chik-fi-la, a full-time student, and a mentor on campus. Due to his hectic schedule he was unable to join us for bible study after his freshmen year. In memory of him, a devotion was held on campus in celebration of his life. It was special hearing different individuals from the study body sharing about the ways Roy inspired, motivated and loved them while paying their respects to his parents and younger sister. This helped his family witness the kind of college experience Roy had.

I'm so thankful knowing that Roy left this earth receiving God into his life and that the choice was his. I'm attending his funeral this Saturday in Evans, GA and in memory of him I will give his parents a copy of the 2007-2008 JCA Live recording of our family group "PB&J" performing a skit to Lifehouse. Apparently, his parents didn't believe him when he told them he was in a play/performance =)

"Rest"

just to add to tonight's bible study, here are notes from sunday sermon discussion - of the different ways that people defined "rest":

-restoring: metaphor of fields/crops not growing for a period of time in order that soil can be restored
-satisfaction
-includes both physical and spiritual
-"sharpening your ax"
-a spiritual discipline that jesus practiced in order to hear/listen to God. has intentionality and focus
-holy
-purification
-feeling complete in the Lord: nothing you can do to gain/lose

my mom occasionally emails the family anecdotes about her work with the refugee community. these stories range from poignant to humorous to both. just thought i'd share one of them (with her permission, and i took out names):


I took Iraqi refugee brothers, S and B, to my friend’s place last Sunday afternoon. S is 25 years old and speaks English well, but 35- year-old B does not speak English. Seeing S going to the restroom, my friend told me that there was no toilet paper in her restroom. When my friend gave B toilet paper to take it to his brother, B said, “No, water, water”. We had no idea what he meant.

S came out and I asked him how he solved the problem without toilet paper. S told me that he did not need toilet paper and he always used his hands and water. I told him that he had better use toilet paper in the United States. He laughed and said that water was cleaner than toilet paper. I did not have any intention to teach him how to do with his business in restroom. I was concerned about myself. Whenever I greet S and say goodbye to him, I shake his hand.
So I found a bottle of soap and gave it to him to wash his hands, but he laughed loud again and insisted that he washed his hands throughly. I gave up and thought to myself, ‘no more shaking hand with him’

It took me 40 minutes to drive back to their apartment. While driving, I became to know the brothers better. S talked about their lives in Iraq. He told me about how his family fled to Syria from Iraqi soldiers’ persecution and their another brother’s death in the hands of Iraqi soldiers. He said that he thought me as their true friend. I was touched.

In front of their apartment, I promised to visit them again and hold S's hand firmly to say goodbye to him. A sudden realization hit me. Oh, NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Office Space

Today, my coworker Drew asked me to go to a Lunch and Learn seminar with him. I don’t really know him too well, other than the fact that he works in our department. I met him a couple times, talked to him here and there, but how often can I see him? I mean he sits way across the other side of the building. At some point in time, he found out from some mutual coworkers that I had gone to a church retreat (JCA YA retreat holla!), which to me is astounding and utterly confusing. Why would the topic of me going on a church retreat ever come up in a conversation amongst my coworkers? (isn't there football going on?) I don’t know. But hey now we know; people will talk about anything so long as it allows them to take a water break from work. He eventually emailed me and encouraged me by saying, hey if you need anything let me know, as a fellow believer. I was so encouraged!

Anyway, fast forward to today. To be frank, I was pretty hesitant on going to the seminar. The seminar is pretty much a Bible study for company employees, which okay, I didn’t realize until now is SO freaking awesome. But I mean at the time, I was only thinking, it was my much needed break time, my deserved time away from the computer, from clients, from all the NONSENSE. My other coworkers are bugging me to go eat sushi with them for lunch; I love sushi; and I’m not in the mood for another Bible study; and I love sushi. But I promised this dude that I would go to the seminar with him. (the fact that there was free pizza didn’t hurt either). We walk over to a conference room and a good number of people are there, all company employees. I was thinking wow, this is like Sunday service…but…with coworkers?

So we watched a sermon from apparently this well known preacher Louis Giglio, and what do you know, it was relevant to us corporate folk. The main point being, it’s not what you do with your life, but whatever you do, do for the Lord and let Him be glorified from it. Simple yet powerful.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men…”
-Colossians 3:23

Such an awesome verse, and such a gut check for me personally. Struggling tremendously with work that truthfully I’m not passionate about, it’s hard to give 110% sometimes. I have a lot to learn; but one thing I want to learn quickly is that I want to give my all in everything I do, while giving Him all the glory. I’m impatient and I want that now!

After the sermon the band in the video played “how great is our God” (undoubtedly on JCA’S top 25 most played list if it had an iPod) and midway through the song I hear people that I’m sitting with slowly start to sing along- to the older looking janitor guy sitting in front of me, to the straight up southern guy with his polo tucked in to my right, to the young and beautiful HR lady sitting behind me. Awkward at first, it was so humbling and …so beautiful that right then and there, I felt tears rolling down my face…

I’m guilty of placing this invisible wall between my spiritual life and my secular life. I’m guilty of underestimating God’s presence and his ability to touch ppl wherever and whenever. And wow, He just made it easier for people like me to share his awesomeness with non-believing coworkers, with seminars in our office building…like come on, there’s no excuse to not invite someone to that, is there?

Praise be to God

the paralytic

jesus forgave me of my sins and then healed my paralyzed body. later i wondered, what if jesus said to me "you're sins are forgiven" and then took away my sight?

In another lifetime, Tozer would have made a great name for a tank shaped chocolate.

"A generation of Christians reared among push buttons and automatic machines is impatient of slower and less direct methods of reaching their goals. We have been trying to apply machine-age methods to our relations with God. We read our chapter, have our short devotions, and rush away, hoping to make up for our deep inward bankruptcy by attending another gospel meeting or listening to another thrilling story told by a religious adventurer lately returned from afar. The tragic results of this spirit are all about us. Shallow lives, hollow religious philosophies, the preponderance of the element of fun in gospel meetings, the glorification of men, trust in religious externalities, quasi-religious fellowships, salesmanship methods, the mistaking of dynamic personality for the power of the Spirit; these and such as these are the symptoms of an evil disease, a deep and serious malady of the soul"

"When I come before the judgment throne, I will plead the promise of God in the shed blood of Jesus Christ. I will not plead any work that I have done, although I will thank God that he has enabled me to do some good. I will plead no merits other than the merits of Christ, knowing that the merits of Mary and the saints are all from him; and for their company, their example, and their prayers throughout my earthly life I will give everlasting thanks. I will not plead that I had faith, for sometimes I was unsure of my faith, and in any event that would be to turn faith into a meritorious work of my own. I will not plead that I held the correct understanding of 'justification by faith alone,' although I will thank God that he led me to know ever more fully the great truth that much misunderstood formulation was intended to protect. Whatever little growth in holiness I have experienced, whatever strength I have received from the company of the saints, whatever understanding I have attained of God and his ways — these and all other gifts received I will bring to the throne. But in seeking entry to that heavenly kingdom, I will, with Dysmas [the thief on the cross], look to Christ and Christ alone."

Father Richard John Neuhaus, Death on a Friday Afternoon

Mark 10 QT

Was doing a QT, thought I'd share my thoughts... (Mark 10)

Prelude

"In order to test him... 'Is it lawful...' "

Cynically speaking, "is it lawful" might be one of the most popular questions presented to Jesus. It's probably no coincidence that it's (in this case, and probably some others) usually with the goal "to test him."  What are the ramifications of this question?

First, one of my personal favorite things about God is the fact that he is not a lawyer.   We live in a lawful society, which is good.  In general, for everything, there is a law, or many laws, that have been written and defined about the proper action for every situation.  One of the grievances (among many) of living in a lawful society is the inevitable growth in the number and intricacy of the laws.  This arises naturally, I believe, in no small part due to the ability and will of people to work around the existing laws, allowing them to obey the letter of the law, if not the spirit.  Realizing this, Jesus has no desire to read/write/interpret/debate legal documents - rules will not humble the human heart, only love/grace can do that.

The question, "is it lawful," is a manifestation of our incredible lust to rebel.  We challenge our creator/father/friend/lover.  We abhor the idea of being a slave to God's laws, all the while not realizing that we are slaves to our perverted idea of 'freedom' from the law.

Divorce

Here, we see that indomitable and abominable spirit of human rebellion play out. "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"  According to the traditions, that is the laws of Moses - yes, there are some instances where it is allowable.  But that does not make it right/good/natural.

Today the divorce rate is incredibly high.  In fact, it is prevalent enough that I have often wondered whether it would happen to me when I am married (statistically, it's probably a coin flip). I guess it's certainly allowable, at the very least in the legal sense, which is probably why our society has taken such liberties when exercising this right. However, God did not make man and woman to be one, just so they can separate into two again. "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

To give a metaphor, perhaps God views divorce as we view abortion (at least the pro-choice position). Divorce is a most-unnatural and most-regretful course of action, and though God allows it, it pains God greatly when a husband and wife part ways.   Most people know/feel this, deep in their hearts, even if our society has largely desensitized us to it already.  Likewise, to kill an unborn child is, some would say, the most regretful of all actions.  No one feels this more profoundly than the child's mother. Simply because it is allowed in some places on certain occasions does not mean society should not grieve terribly when even one such tragedy happens.

In the end, the Pharisees care only about the law.  Is it right to divorce?  Is abortion legal?  Those who desire God's heart must be careful to seek the central, true intent of God's laws, rather than constantly trying to probe the extent/perimeter of the legal terminology.