I was reading Falling For God recently, and it was talking about the reasons why we don't spend more time with God. For me, busyness and laziness of course predominate as the reasons why I don't spend time with God.
But when I thought about it, I realized that there's another reason-a lot of times when I have my own sin(s) on my heart, I don't want to go to God, because I'm afraid He'll judge me and want me to change my life in ways that will make it ultimately less pleasant for me. Both of those fears are based on similar misunderstandings of God.
When I'm afraid that He'll judge me, I'm making God too human-I think He'll react to my sins the way that one of my friends might react (surely none of you reading this blog would think less of me for hearing of my sins, but you get the point). I'm not always conscious of how different God is from us-since my daily interaction is with humans, I think He'll react like we will. It's hard to be constantly aware of the radical nature of His forgiveness.
When I'm afraid that He'll change my life in a way that makes it less pleasant for me, I'm not quite as far off-God does want to change my life, and those changes certainly will remove some activities that I currently find pleasurable. But ultimately, I'm lacking in the faith that He knows what's best for me, and that He has "plans to prosper [me] and not to harm [me], plans to give [me] hope and a future." I'm arrogant in thinking that my plans for my life are the best ones possible.
These may seem like an obvious points to y'all, but for me, this realization about the assumptions I had about God really made a difference in my quiet times.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The maybe if it didn't take so freaking long I might write more: Adventures in Reading, pt I, Episode
Soo, I'm actually going to try my hand at writing something, because all I have been doing up to now is linking to another's insights, but apparently, that's what google reader and google buzz are for. Also, the best posts so far, save Dubai, have been anecdotal, and reading about you guys is a lot more interesting than being amused by links and quotes, which in lieu of all powerful fingers, Al Gore, and a keyboard are a lot easier to obtain and therefore far less valuable than say, the few minutes we share as storyteller and avid reader.
Anyways, onto a post! And because it might be a good idea in retrospect, I'm issuing a general warning now, just to be on the safe side, in case you need it. Finally, everything is based on a true story.
In my unquantifiable existence, there are things I can accept with the utmost ease, even if they almost make no real sense, but provide just enough of a basis to be believable, in other words, let's call these things stereotypes. For example, most people will accept Indians become doctors, frat guys don't function until 3 beers, Chrysler cars are pieces of crap and drinking motor oil will grow hair on your eyeballs, if you don't believe me on this, just try it.
Usually in most situations, stereotypes are pretty innocent, but they do innately reflect what we believe in, what composes of our instinctual core, essentially. The danger is that in moments precluding thinking, they make up our impulses. However, that is not a bad thing, since we believe ourselves to be decent individuals, yet that doesn't stop us from being insulted or angered when something challenges the prescribed notions. When that happens, we feel, which is a word that should carry both ebullience and extreme heaviness and is really a part of us that we can't really quantify, a rawness, but one that flows, like water. Even right now, four paragraphs in, you might be annoyed by the facts that so far there has been one quite uninsightful observation, and one Asian, in a stereotypical indirect fashion, using so many words but not really saying anything personal and beyond that, made one confusing simile!
Well, in my defense, I wanted to start with the story right off-the-bat, but then wrote something not at all story-like, so threw in a warning and here we are, finally, the real beginning. I've just started reading the book "Christ, The Lord out of Egypt", written by Anne Rice. Before talking about the book, it's important to note that the timing of this was after she renounced Christianity, so I've already formed an opinion of her. And her writing style made her seem like someone I would like to meet, and punch. Already in less than 24 hours of sporadic visual interaction, I can neatly fit her in a box labeled difficult, and I'd feel justified.
But I can do more than just place people in certain groups as I can sort of, if I try real hard, read. And her story so far is about a young Jesus, without the facial hair, growing up in the lands of Egypt. Like all young boys, Jesus played with a group of friends, so far so good, and then like all young boys, curses are flown at the opposing team, no problems there, but then quite unlike other young boys, the little boy cursed by pubescent Jesus dies, and I was really annoyed, possibly angered by that. I'm not going over the significance of the killing, you figure it out as it's not important to my story. What really bothered me was that this Jesus did not fit into the neat boxed Jesus with the beard.
Perhaps what made it so jarring is that it is believable, because the elements are all believable: Jesus can certainly kill someone with a curse, and Jesus lived a life of a kid, complete with concomitant inadvertent results. I'm not saying Anne Rice is right, but it did take me awhile to get over the fact of the initial shock factor. And during that time, I would probably have found a way to ignore Anne Rice after punching her, not at all unlike her group of Christian associates, people that ostracized her, probably because she challenged their more spiritual stereotypes.
And despite how it might seem, I'm not defending Anne Rice as her quitting was still a poor demonstration of her faith, but I did realize that certain preconceived notions can affect our ministry. So, I want to leave by asking which ones do you have?
Anyways, onto a post! And because it might be a good idea in retrospect, I'm issuing a general warning now, just to be on the safe side, in case you need it. Finally, everything is based on a true story.
In my unquantifiable existence, there are things I can accept with the utmost ease, even if they almost make no real sense, but provide just enough of a basis to be believable, in other words, let's call these things stereotypes. For example, most people will accept Indians become doctors, frat guys don't function until 3 beers, Chrysler cars are pieces of crap and drinking motor oil will grow hair on your eyeballs, if you don't believe me on this, just try it.
Usually in most situations, stereotypes are pretty innocent, but they do innately reflect what we believe in, what composes of our instinctual core, essentially. The danger is that in moments precluding thinking, they make up our impulses. However, that is not a bad thing, since we believe ourselves to be decent individuals, yet that doesn't stop us from being insulted or angered when something challenges the prescribed notions. When that happens, we feel, which is a word that should carry both ebullience and extreme heaviness and is really a part of us that we can't really quantify, a rawness, but one that flows, like water. Even right now, four paragraphs in, you might be annoyed by the facts that so far there has been one quite uninsightful observation, and one Asian, in a stereotypical indirect fashion, using so many words but not really saying anything personal and beyond that, made one confusing simile!
Well, in my defense, I wanted to start with the story right off-the-bat, but then wrote something not at all story-like, so threw in a warning and here we are, finally, the real beginning. I've just started reading the book "Christ, The Lord out of Egypt", written by Anne Rice. Before talking about the book, it's important to note that the timing of this was after she renounced Christianity, so I've already formed an opinion of her. And her writing style made her seem like someone I would like to meet, and punch. Already in less than 24 hours of sporadic visual interaction, I can neatly fit her in a box labeled difficult, and I'd feel justified.
But I can do more than just place people in certain groups as I can sort of, if I try real hard, read. And her story so far is about a young Jesus, without the facial hair, growing up in the lands of Egypt. Like all young boys, Jesus played with a group of friends, so far so good, and then like all young boys, curses are flown at the opposing team, no problems there, but then quite unlike other young boys, the little boy cursed by pubescent Jesus dies, and I was really annoyed, possibly angered by that. I'm not going over the significance of the killing, you figure it out as it's not important to my story. What really bothered me was that this Jesus did not fit into the neat boxed Jesus with the beard.
Perhaps what made it so jarring is that it is believable, because the elements are all believable: Jesus can certainly kill someone with a curse, and Jesus lived a life of a kid, complete with concomitant inadvertent results. I'm not saying Anne Rice is right, but it did take me awhile to get over the fact of the initial shock factor. And during that time, I would probably have found a way to ignore Anne Rice after punching her, not at all unlike her group of Christian associates, people that ostracized her, probably because she challenged their more spiritual stereotypes.
And despite how it might seem, I'm not defending Anne Rice as her quitting was still a poor demonstration of her faith, but I did realize that certain preconceived notions can affect our ministry. So, I want to leave by asking which ones do you have?
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