Scared of God

I was reading Falling For God recently, and it was talking about the reasons why we don't spend more time with God. For me, busyness and laziness of course predominate as the reasons why I don't spend time with God.

But when I thought about it, I realized that there's another reason-a lot of times when I have my own sin(s) on my heart, I don't want to go to God, because I'm afraid He'll judge me and want me to change my life in ways that will make it ultimately less pleasant for me. Both of those fears are based on similar misunderstandings of God.

When I'm afraid that He'll judge me, I'm making God too human-I think He'll react to my sins the way that one of my friends might react (surely none of you reading this blog would think less of me for hearing of my sins, but you get the point). I'm not always conscious of how different God is from us-since my daily interaction is with humans, I think He'll react like we will. It's hard to be constantly aware of the radical nature of His forgiveness.

When I'm afraid that He'll change my life in a way that makes it less pleasant for me, I'm not quite as far off-God does want to change my life, and those changes certainly will remove some activities that I currently find pleasurable. But ultimately, I'm lacking in the faith that He knows what's best for me, and that He has "plans to prosper [me] and not to harm [me], plans to give [me] hope and a future." I'm arrogant in thinking that my plans for my life are the best ones possible.

These may seem like an obvious points to y'all, but for me, this realization about the assumptions I had about God really made a difference in my quiet times.